go slowly

heya everybody, tomorrow i'm going to be gone for about two weeks. heh. real life counter strike. haha. yayayayayaya. becaush right, must defend the country yyayayaya. i'm abit nervous lah. i hope i wont get screwed inside out. but must be optimistic arh. two years of exercise. heh. at least i've completed the things i wanted to do before tomorrow. and bioshock worked arh! i damn happy. and i managed to finish that and cod4 just in time. i only missed out on company of heroes but i'll get to that eventually. i quite erm, dono what to write arh. i keep thinking about tomorrow. shit arh. cannot bring ipod. i would've liked to listen to cd2 of in rainbows. its damn good arh. i think right in rainbows is radiohead's second best album. yayayayaya. damn critique.

Go Slowly

Over here
Come slowly
Come slowly to me
I've been waiting
Patient
Patiently
I didn't
But now I can see

That there's a way out
That there's a way out

That there's a way out
That there's a way out
That there's a way out

this song was damn chio. its one of the tracks from cd2. pity i couldnt hear it more. i'll miss my friends and everybody arh. J: hopefully i'll keep meeting up with them and all. sheesh. i talking like its the end of the world like that. heh. at least i'll know i can watch kt tunstall's concert if she comes. yay. i'll be back soon. heh. cyaz!

el daba

my primary 3 teacher used to tell us that we could never relax. even after the primary 3 end of year exams she kept teaching us new stuff. she told us that in a few years time we would have PSLE and a few years later we'd have O levels and after that we'd have A levels. only after that can we relax. heh. time flies eh? tomorrow is damn the end of the beginning. foo. kk. i shall go check out talk secret. heh.

supersonic

wow. time flies so fast. yesterday i read the little thing i wrote in my grey book just before prelims and i wrote some extra stuff. and now its like 5 days and 3 papers away to the end. foo. anyways, i realise flikr is a damn cool place to find good photos. i've recently found a jackpot of chio kt tunstall pics and a whole lot of other photos i've been looking out for for a long time. like a really nice pic of the 67 camaro ss.
eg. here is kt with her birthday cake.

heh.

windows

okay right now i soooo hate windows and their tendency to restart on its own after installing some bloody security updates. J: shid arh damn bad to me.

who is it?

i lol-ed. kk. actually arh, its me lah. wahwah. kk. haha the ns impersonator got utterly owned by the real ns. shit lah. tmr alvls start (for me at least). i hope i wont die or anything. i've been damn s arh. so must get the reasonable returns. like hundredd As. at least right, i must beat vivek. haha.

mrt.

i damn proudzxzx of myself. there was a blind guy on the mrt. and there was a seat behind him. so, i like got up from my seat and went to him, told him there was a seat behind him and guided him there arh. then he damn happy and thankful cos he was carrying some pretty heavy looking stuff. so i damn pleased with myself. but the shittiest thing was that when i turned around to go back to my seat, someone already kopped it. grrrrr.

uninspired

okae. here i am after a really long time. its not that i dun have anything to talk abt, its just that i am damn sianz to get on the com and post. anyway, sherlock's been bugging me for the past few days to send him something. finally i did it. hehe.
first things first, fasting month over. so now can eat arh. om nom nom nom nom nom.

but eating is sian in away because now i actually have to stop whatever i am doing during lunch time to eat lunch. plus. have to spend money now when i am out to eat lunch. lol.

eheheh. i like watched a hindi movie on dvd recently arh. second katrina kaif movie i've seen. and she's damn pro. like seriously. pity though she'll be stuck perma in bollywood making pucks movies. although one of the two i watched was pretty allright.
granted i've never seen how she looks off screen, but i'll still say she's damn chio. hmm. apparently, she was born in hong kong, grew up un hawaii and then moved to london. hmmm. damn international arh. like ns. except she never go france. and she got Kashmiri Muslim father and an English Anglican Christian mother. lol.

kkk. damn cool. i saw the word antipasti on sunday's newspaper. so i went to like check it out arh to see what it is. turns out, its a type of italian food. something of an appetizer before the main course. this is like an example of what it can look like.

so since its like an anti me, i guess it kinda fits. lol. and to top it off, there's an old british punk rock band called Anti-Pasti. they must be pretty dumb or something. hehe. but i couldnt find a pic of them cause they're that old.

eh. i spamming pictures eh? and my post seems damn disjointed. kkk. one more picture.

i think right, this is like the coolest car (in my opinion) i've ever seen. its a 1967 camaro ss. its like my dream car arh. i wish i could buy it but apparently its only in left hand drive cos its an american car. i wonder if there's a way to like make a left hand car to a right hand one? then can drive it in singapore. it'll be super cool. lol.

kk. i shouldnt be a ns and go prektish stats now.

bus

yesterday i had a nice dream. you see i was going somewhere (cant remember where) on a bus and i was sitting with kt. and i was just talking to kt about some problems i've been having. not those trivial day to day stuff but the really macro macro stuff that have been bothering me for the past few days. it felt really good see? because normally i dont talk about stuff like that to people so when i was letting loose to kt it was ermm, sort of refreshing in a weird way. and kt was really nice to me about thee whole thing and kept encouraging me to go on and not give up and all that usual stuff. kt didnt give any solutions but to have a listening ear felt good. J:

win

yesterday night was one of epic win. here's why.

firstly, i watched a few episodes of GantZ which is damn nice. like super nice with a nice theme songs. haha.

then i went to sleep and i had a really cool dream that i was like twenty something and i was hitting on THE kt tunstall in some generic bar with positive results. XD plus i drove her home in my 67 cheverolet ss (my dream car btw lol).

i cant remember how the dream ended. next thing i knew, i woke up and i needed to use the toilet. (it was still night btw). so i turn on the lights in the hall and go inside the kitchen and i switch on all the lights. dundundundunnn. there was a bloody cockroach! on top of the dining table! wth wth. i seriously hate cockroaches. (actually i'm more afraid of them) but that night i was feeling damn braves after hitting on kt tunstall. so i look around for the insecticide. the cockroach was like not moving but moving its feelers around in that really irritating way. so i see the can of insecticide at the other end of the kitchen. i dashed for it. then the cockroach started scurrying down the table towards the hall. i grabbed the can and ran back to kill it. on the way i slipped on one of the slippers my mum keeps in the kitchen and fell down really really really painfully. my ankle like slammed against the chair or something. the cockroach escapes into the hall. i limp out into the hall and i see the cockroach on the wall. k damn easy just spray at it arh. then i walking towards it, suddenly it just started flying towards me arh! what the shit. i ran back into the kitchen like a sissy. the thing flew back onto the kitchen wall arh. then i damn brave just turn around and spam insecticide on it. damn epic battlezxzx.

k lah. i go back to sleep. then i got this dream where i slap a girl in school in front of because she was bullying and being damn bad to my 5 year old cousin. remember that recurrent dream? yayayayaya. then i had to wake up to like eat abit before i start to fast.

then i slept again after awhile arh cos i was damn tired. mind you it was still 6:30 am liddat.
then i had this damn depressing dream. not really damn sad but a damn J: like the feeling you get when something you really want just slips away from your fingers. as absurd as it seemed somehow it felt so real. i guess its true. i am being damn bad to myself.

wadever lah betrayer

actually i'm damn brave arh. its just that like 90% of it is like unseen. so it seems like i damn timid but actually not arh. lol. k lah. i ASkept. its probably not inside me. sekali someone stole it from me or something. aiyaa but i'm damn hand on face now. damn like oh shit what the hell you guy sort of thing.
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i wonder if blogger shows the above thing right.
aiyaa damn bad to me lah. can help me find it can? i'll be like super super super indebted (is this how you spell it?)
AISHETRUZE! yeayeayeayea. no wait. actually i dono for sure lah. lol. hmmmmmmm. aiyaah. just just just damn bad to me. J:

names

ahh well. prelims going to end. technically it'll end like on wednesday because thursday and friday is like mcq papers. hmmm.
for some reason, while i was doing my bio paper 3 i kept thinking what i would name my daughter if i were to have one in the future. funny, i know. but kinda cute. like super advance prep. i couldnt really pick one but i wrote down some of the stuff that entered my mind somewhere so that next time when i look through it, i'll remember how dumb i used to be. haha. whatever.
i keep having a recurring dream for the past few days. more or less recurring. they revolve around the same theme and are remotely linked. something like there's an air raid in singapore. i was going home from school with a friend of mine on a bus. the bus sort of gets hit. i manage to escape but my friend gets injured and cannot walk. so i carry the friend to hospital. meanwhile, my aunt and uncle get killed in the air raid and suddenly i'm left to take care of their super young 4-5 year old daughter because my whole family like disappears after the air raid. so because of that i have to bring my cousin to school everyday because she doesnt want to be left alone at home. and the friend i carried to hospital starts to help me out alot. hmmm. soo creepy. ahh well.

kt tunstall's album, drastic fantastic is coming out this week i think. i want to go buy it when i have the time.

okae. i guess i'll head down to 4chan's /b/ board and waste an hour of my life before i go do some work.

omg its kt tunstall! she's releasing a new album soon! i'm going to buy it. omg omg omg.

J:

you know, the irritating thing about a really good yet sad book/movie/tv show is that you really wish the bad stuff didnt happen. but the problem is, if you do change it, the book/movie/tv show wont be really good anymore.
man, i'm just so sad these days. J:

finale

4. thats the number of times i watched the final episode of elfen lied in one week. its too sad for words. i hope the comic will get translated fast so i can read the original ending.

klutz

i have become rather clumsy recently. may dad keeps complaining about it and asking me whether i'm like becoming stressed out and all. but its really just me. i think so at least. past few days, i feel my heart beating really fast as if i am perma tense but its not about studies or anything that specific. i'm just overall damn tense.

out of my league

i know what it feels like to be outclassed. kkk. studying at about twelve midnight plus at home is weird. you hear cats under my block making strange noises. other than that, its mostly serenely and sometimes and abit creepily quiet. my mum has an irritating habit of turning off all the lights in the house before she sleeps. since these days i'm always the last one to sleep, i end up getting spooked out by the darkness every time i go to the kitchen or toilet or something. its really dark at that time of the night when the only source of light is from mt room behind me. golden village and northpoint usually turn off their lights by about 11pm so not much light from outside. of course, solving the problem is as easy as walking over to the light switches and turning on all the lights i can possibly turn on. but in the few moments of darkness, i keep thinking someone is sitting on the sofa, among other things of course. lol at my hyperactive imagination at night. usually not a problem when i explore Changi Hostpital or some other dark place. but i don't know why my own home keeps creeping me out.

btw neil gaiman is making another movie based on his book Stardust. yay.

i could've sworn i was a lot braver in the secondary school. anyway, attempts to steal a precious commodity (not actually steal but erm, recieve) have ended in shambles. but hey, there's still tomorrow, and the day after, and the next day, and the next day and the next day, and .... yea you get the point. unfortunately, there arent so many next days left. hmm. unlimited wants, limited time. haiz.

oh my brave self, where art thou? i require you alot right now.

anyway, i think, of all the heroes in all the movies i have watched so far, i think nobody can match the might of INDIANA JONES. omg omg. he's damn friggin cool.

i think its got more to do with harrison ford's great acting. but the character itself is omgzxzxzx cool. a college professor but yet he goes on all the amazing adventures for rare stuff. now i wanna be like him. haha. of course i not so hod guy charming all, but still..

damn cool. unbeatable, all those heroes like Neo frm Matrix, Arragorn frm Lotr, blah blah blah cant match up.

ohoh. i watched robocop too over the national day holidays.

dun dun dun dun... is there noone who can stop him?

but, he does look pretty dumb here. kkk. today in class robobio made bluetooth connection with robochem. lol. kkk.

anyways, the perfect war is going on pretty well. we have already achieved one micro aim. and i'm close to achieving another(which is why i need my bravery in the first place).

Don't just stand there watching it happening
I can't stand it
Don't feel it
Something telling me
Don't wanna go out this way
But have a nice day then

Read it in the headlines
Watch it on the TV
Put it in the background
Stick it in the back
Stick it in the back

For the beautiful occupation
The beautiful occupation
You don't need an invitation
To drop in upon a nation

I'm too cynical
I'm just sitting here
I'm just wasting my time
Half a million civilians gonna die today
But look the wrong way then

Read it in the headlines
Watch it on the TV
Put it in the background
Stick it in the back
Stick it in the back
For the beautiful occupation
The beautiful occupation
You don't need an invitation
To drop in upon a nation

Don't just stand there
Watching it happening
I can't feel it
Don't need this
Something telling me
Don't wanna go out this way
But have a nice day then

Read it in the headlines
Watch it on the TV
Put it in the background
Stick in the back
Stick in the back

For the beautiful occupation
The beautiful occupation
You don't need an invitation
To drop in upon a nation

The beautiful occupation
The beautiful occupation
So much for an intervention
Don't call the united nations


kkk
i've been pretty lazy to add anything new in my book. abit sian lah. too much work these days. wish i had more time.

Morning Glory

All your dreams are made
When you're chained to the mirror and the razor blade
Today's the day that all the world will see
Another sunny afternoon
(I'm) walking to the sound of my favourite tune
Tomorrow never knows what it doesn't know too soon

Need a little time to wake up
Need a little time to wake up wake up
Need a little time to wake up
Need a little time to rest your mind
You know you should so I guess you might as well

What's the story morning glory?
Well
(you) need a little time to wake up
Wake up well
What's the story morning glory?
Well
Need a little time to wake up
Wake up

All your dreams are made
When you're chained to the mirror and the razor blade
Today's the day that all the world will see
Another sunny afternoon
Walking to the sound of my favourite tune
Tomorrow doesn't know what it doesn't know too soon

Need a little time to wake up
Need a little time to wake up wake up
Need a little time to wake up
Need a little time to rest your mind
You know you should so I guess you might as well

What's the story morning glory?
Well
Need a little time to wake up, wake up
Well
What's the story morning glory?
Well

Need a little time to wake up, wake up
Well
What's the story morning glory?
Well
Need a little time to wake up, wake up
Well
What's the story morning glory?
Well
Need a little time to wake up, wake up.

national day

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE.
kkk.

language problems

now if there was something i really wanted to know how to do, i'd want to know how to speak and read jap like really fluently. at least then, i wouldnt have to go and search for translations for some of my favourite comics and stuff and read the raws. i mean, its cooler if you know how to read something in the language it was written in because if you translate it, you are bound to sort of lose some innate meaning. besides, the translators are usually retards who hardly know english. so the translation ends up being damn pucks. it sort of requires alot of effort to find those good translations.

i'm reading elfen lied now. its a damn sad story even though the artist's drawings is super cute. don't know which character to pity more.

besides, i keep wondering what went wrong. i keep thinking about it. and everything points to the fact that i blew it big time. J:

dress up in you

I’m the singer, I’m the singer in the band
You’re the loser, I won’t dismiss you out of hand
Cos you’ve got a beautiful face
It will take you places

You kept running
You’ve got money, you’ve got fame
Every morning I see your picture from the train
Now you’re an actress!
So says your résumé
You’re made of card
You couldn’t act your way out of a paper bag

You got lucky, you ain’t talking to me now
Little Miss Plucky
Pluck your eyebrows for the crowd
Get on the airplane
You give me stomach pain
I wish that you were here
We would have had a lot to talk about

We had a deal there
We nearly signed it with our blood…
An understanding
I thought that you would keep your word
I’m disappointed
I’m aggravated
It’s a fault I have, I know
When things don’t go my way I have to

Blow up in the face of my rivals
I swear and I rant, I make quite an arrival
The men are surprised by the language
They act so discreet, they are hypocrites so fuck them too!

I always loved you
You always had a lot of style
I’d hate to see you on the pile
Of ‘nearly-made-it’ s
You’ve got the essence, dear
If I could have a second skin
I’d probably dress up in you

You’re a star now, I am fixing people’s nails
I’m knitting jumpers, I’m working after hours
I’ve got a boyfriend, I’ve got a feeling that he’s seeing someone else
He always had thing for you as well

Blow in the face of my rivals
I swear and I rant, I make quite an arrival
The men are surprised by the language
They act so discreet, they are hypocrites forget them
So fuck them too!

this is by belle and sebastian btw. one of their few songs i listen to on a regular basis.

the beautiful occupation

all right. this means war. me and sherlock are tired of this oppression (and stealing of whats rightfully ours) by the handsomest guy in the universe and the capitalistic monopoly of the best seats on the battlefield by omg sexy. its time we fought back for the chio/perfect smiles. and how dare they steal the bassist of the perfects for their own rival band the omg perfectzxzxzxz.

we may not have the unlimited looks and the unlimited p***s length but we have the spirit. in fact, we may achieve a couple of micro aims over the weekend. we have ur macromacro aims in sight.

but hey? i can dream cant i? hehe. (:

this is the perfects btw (not the omg perfectzxzxzx; they're not perfect). kt's the damn chio bassist. J:

to tell the truth or lie?

LOL. what a joke.

sick

arghh.. not again. i hate being sick. J:
anywya, just read about the iraqi soccer team and all their backgrounds. quite a touching story. i hope they win the asian cup. it'll be like a symbol of hope you see.

perfect

the perfect band. i shall draw it out. i already finished the bassist KT. weeee.

time table.

my time table sucks. well at least i hate it. the breaks are usually one block too early. J:
wish the break didnt end so soon.

rhetoric

i got a question. do normal inkjet printers print white colour? or do they just leave it blanks? hmm. something wrong with my scanner though
pity. if not i could have posted both comic concocted by me and sherlock set in parallel universes.

anyway, i bought the transfers i was looking for from art friend. $14. but i got six sheets. more than i'll ever need. today i also photoshopped quite a lot of the stuff i need to print on the transfers. still got some more though. but at the rate i'm going, i can finish it pretty quickly. all i need now is more cash so i can buy the rest of the materials.

hmmm. i want my scanner to work. J:

oh please,

i know i person who thinks almost everybody in the world, even your own siblings are out to ruin your life. he says things sometimes that really hurt you inside. he hates being wrong and always finds a way to push the blame to someone else. he always asks me if i have any grieviances but i'm afraid to say anything. someday i'll be a wty and perma escape. of course forgiveness is mine to give. but will i forget? never. just wait. someday. this is a place where I unload the "things I should have said" from my mind.

I think our public concert on Friday after h3 chem test was quite a success except for the fact that there was no audience. Pity. It was rather nice. J: not me lah but sherlock and 7h3v4r.

me and sherlock concocted the perfect story yesterday during the 3hr chem marathon in class. today shows the sign of the story coming true. when i have the time, i'll scan it and post it although i wont give a detailed commentary since the content is somewhat erm, disturbing. hmmm. but it really is a sweet story. (: damn full of love and all that. of course, trust the world's first perfectologists to come up with such a brilliant piece of work liek that. (:

J:

enter the brand new smiley. J: its supposed to be a pouting smile. sherlock invented it after he read my book. i guess its more appropriate to use that instead of the usual sad faced smiley ): because you are not exactly sad but you just like want to pout. so yea i guess thats it.

there is always something else. you know, the usual things you see everyday. there's more. uncovering the many layers of the people around you makes life worthwhile. but you got to make sure no one gets pissed off at you or something. i mean, it sort of negates the accomplishment you feel when you realise you understand you friends better or you uncover the reasons behind certain occurrences blah blah blah.

i really do want to go to great world city again. got to buy the proper materials for the secret project. i got the loose ends worked out. pity i can only get around doing it for like 5-10 mins once every few days. besides, my late nights will never be lonely again thanks to a pair of twins tucked away in their little safe house that i keep with me all the time. one is pretty unstable, slow, but really nice. the other is really clever but cynical and sneaky.

and another thing on my to do list in my book. write that post on perfection. after all, me and sherlock are the world's first perfectologists. i think its time we actually did something about it and start educating the world or something about this new field.

man i could use a hug. and some private tuition. ahem ahem. hello? i am here you know. haiz. J:

woozy

not admitting your mistakes and finding others to blame is a sign of weakness. get out of my sight.

io

okae. i know prelims are like coming and all that. but really, what the hell are you supposed to do when you keep trying to defeat the ultimate boss in stage mode for little fighter with a friend at his house and lose? keep trying until you finally need to go home. even if it means playing for 2 hours plus. and to top it off, after all that, that $%%$$%%#@@#$^$&@#@@ julian still remains undefeated. impossible i tell you.

anyway, anger is not good. sometimes when you're angry you tell things to yourself in your mind. usually those aren't good things. anyway, i hope they don't come true. that would be rather awful.

quote of the moment.
"dei, i think you'll get a C"

umpc

you what i'd really like? an ultra mobile pc that can be used as a tablet pc, has a screen size of 8-9 or even 10 (if possible) inches and has enough hardware in it to run dark crusade. heavenly. it can digitize my notebook you see. i was inspired when i saw a cool fujitsu umpc tablet in today's digital life. it looks damn chio. but the hardware specs not enough for light gaming. and it only has a 5 inch screen. thats like half the size of my notebook. too small i tell you.

okae. i think being able to play dc is pushing it abit. but hey, by the time i have the resources to actually obtain one, who knows, it may just be possible. XD

does it even matter what i think? i'm always wrong and you are always right. fine. i suppose thats the natural order of things. see it from my point of view. then come back to me. oh yea. i forgot. you don't bother do you?
retard.

neglect

bb: i'm sorry
r: for what? you didn't do anything
bb: i'm sorry he broke your heart
r: i know it was all a lie but he was the only one who made me i feel i wasn't creepy. and don't you tell me i'm not creepy
bb: okay. you're way creepy. but that doesn't mean you have to stay locked in your room. you think you're alone. but you're not.

i think i've posted this conversation before. but i'm doing it again. i don't know why. we always fail to see that all that we need is right in front of us. we neglect the people and the things that have always been around. we take them for granted. but when life deals you a heavy blow, those are the things you'll find yourself falling back on.

damn. i cant find my eraser.

}

HOLY CRAP! ITS TRUE!
xoxoxoxoxoxo

run

while you're running, always remember to look inside you. ask yourself the big questions. so that when you do something, you wont end up regretting it. it seems people aren't doing that alot these days. pity. it may have changed their lives a whole lot.

rapidshare

somehow or another, every where i go, including internet forums, i always end up sounding stupid. hmmm. must be something i said.

rapidshare is shit. period. unfortunately, it is essential in my quest.

bb x rae is canon! omgomgomg xoxoxoxoxoxo. hurrah for wikipedia for helping clear things up.

and yes, goodluck everybody whoever is taking econs tomorrow. hmmm. sleep well and dont be late.

apocalypse

apocalypse is coming! as in not the end of the world, but games workshop yearly event and international campaign. 3000+ points mega battles a ton of new rules, lots of rumours and a whole bunch of new models. boy am i glad i don't have an ig army. if not i'd be really tempted to buy the new baneblade plastic kit.

as usual, not many new things for the daemonhunters. fine. i had to pick a specialost army. there was this thing about a new land raider variant called terminus with four sets of twin linked lascannons as opposed to the usual two. probably a titan killer. something that my small 2000 something point army has no room for. although, it is rather tempting. *drools. a big brother for my current normal land raider.

crap. its all during october. but i can hazard a guess that by the time the models actually reach singapore, a levels might be over. cross fingers. damn. this year's event seems to be something worth looking forward to.

although, i might have to further expand my army to get it over 3000+ points. sob sob. that means i have to part with more $$$. and i'm in the middle of a minor project now. completely unrelated. after cts i'll have to go down to popular and buy some fine tipped markers to draw on lego heads. haha. for my "secret" project. damn i am such a fanboy.

*grins eagerly in anticipation for the day the "secret" project is finally completed.

unfortunately, the "secret" project would require more $$$. plus i owe fk $25 and aaron $25. i can pay all that easy. just that after i do, not much left. hmm. does the class treasury still owe me money? i think it does. but i gotta check with plan first. hmmm.

watch and listen

people should start watching cartoons and try and figure out what they're trying to teach you. damn you kids central for trying to make the prime time slot filled with alot of rubbish programs. but who cares. i don't watch kids central.

i watch cartoon network. bwahahaha. and nickelodeon. i realised, nickelodeon's merchandising sucks. but are kind in dvd releases for successful series. cartoon network on the other hand have god like merchandising but really sucky in terms or releasing dvd's and all that. not like i'll buy any. the dvd recorder with hard disc is a godlike invention. praise the person who created it.

what i mean by merchandising, is action figures, blah blah blah and so on and so forth. right now, i want an XLR8 figure from ben 10. that like one of my favourite aliens that ben can transform into. maybe i'll draw him. there has to be some place in singapore where i can buy stuff like that. man, i remember the trouble i had to go through to get bb and rae.

tumble and fall

All this for nothing
Yeah yeah yeah
Praying and hoping, fooling yourself ...
You know that you can
Give love a reason
Give love a chance

We tumble and fall
Together we crawl
Forever will be
Tumble and fall

Heaven's above us
Yeah yeah yeah
Living in solice, I'd give you it all ...
Just for a day, just for a second
Just for the way ...

We tumble and fall
Together we crawl
Forever will be
Tumble and fall

Life's not the same
Since that day you went away
I recall, like the drops of summer rain
That fell on me
Come back to me
Come back to me

Yeah yeah yeah (x3)

We tumble and fall
Together we crawl
Forever will be
Tumble and fall
Together we crawl
Forever will be
Tumble and fall

Yeah yeah yeah (x6)

blind

one of the good things about being blind is that i don't have to worry about appearances. i don't care how i look like. i'm not looking for anyone's approval. i know who i am.

toph XDXDXDXDXDXDXOXOXOXDXOXO

collections

omg. i love deviantART. someday, i'll open my own account and scan all my drawings. then, one day, i'll buy a tablet pc and start doing digital art. *drools.

4chan is cool too. although, there is alot of objectionable material. if you are prepared to endure all that, you'll be well rewarded. you have to search smartly.

haha. getting a new hobby is cool. helps pass the time. my new hobby is nice. makes me inspired. anyway, fan contributions really add an additional dimension to a tv show or series. gotta love all the fan art and comics on deviantART. especially those raexbb comics. damn sweet.

anyway, nice way to end it off. X. however, its only nice if you don't look at the bigger picture. quite embarrassing. is this the end? maybe. but there's always a chance i'll come back.

pristine

if i had my way, i'd make everything white. so pristine, so pretty, so perfect.
alas, it will not be.

hey! perfection has come to live messenger! zomg!!!1!11!!

outclassed

they may have the best weapons. all those rocket launchers, automatic rifles, shotguns, gravity guns. but all you need is a grenade, some good timing, a little bit of intelligence. and POOF!

you get dead people.

some people never learn. its not about how flashy your guns are but how well you use them.

radish

i like radish. i think they're the nicest vegetables ever. i could eat them all day you know. not uncooked of course

anyway, its not about planning carefully and doing what you planned to do. its about doing it, and then, taking responsibility for your actions, accepting the consequences as they come along and not trying to run away from them or create excuses to avoid confronting them. thats what really matters.

anyway, why should i care? its not my life that's being ruined.

moderator

today a moderator at an online forum warned me for one of my posts. said tt my post was derailing the topic. i thought i was relevant you see. oh well. what to do? cant fight the moderator can i? if not get banned. lol. whatever

there comes a point in time where obsession takes over.

missing

GAHHH! wheres my binomial notes?!?!? where's my DNA and Genomics notes?!?!?!
where?!?!?1
where???!?!?!?@?#@/324344342343211!!@112

zzzz

haiz. so sianzz.
waiting time sucks. i dont want to wait any longer. but what to do?

library

tomorrow, the library awaits me. hopefully, it shall be productive. away from the very tempting pillows at home. hmmm. but i think i need a new mattress though.
sianz. temptations. could very well do without them. but without them, life got no kick. when you resist them, and when you let yourself drown in them. each time got a sense of accomplishment. unfortunately this time, is more resisting than drowning. ugh. not always nice.

sore throat cured. (: thanks to the friendly neighbourhood doc.
god i love firefox. what would i do without the spellcheck thats like indicating (with those squiggly red lines?) all the many many typos i'm making thanks to the highly drowsiness inducing medicine the doc gave me. shit. but those are damn effective. but sleeeeepy. hmmm.

wonder why firefox is considered a typo. or wait. maybe its blogger doing the spellcheck. ugh. economics.

whatever.

at least at the library, i can find at least one of a few books i've been wanting to read for a very long time. i even wrote down the authors and book titles on a postit and stuck it onto my wallet so that i'll never forget. inside my wallet. dont forget. if not i'll fall off and stick onto my pants or something.

ahh. libraries rock. so quiet. like how it is at home right now. hopefully, wont have naughty kids running around tomorrow.

firefox

i very lazy. lazy until when i'm done with the com for the day, i control alt del and end process firefox so that the next day they'll just ask me if i want to restore previous session. hurrah for firefox and their cool feature.

there are two types of people in the world. one type looks at their old yearbook from many years ago and cringe at the sight of how you looked a long time ago. the second type looks at it and says hey, "that was me!"

sherlock says that there is a third type. it seems logical.
i assume its applicable to both male and female peoples.

shiverr me timberrrrs!

guilt

whoops.

rawr

emotions are overrated. i watched a movie called equilibrium at home today. something about this group trying to create a utopia using a chemical to suppress emotions such as anger, rage, hate, envy, blah blah blah. because all those cause wars, suffering, crimes and what not but a side effect was that sister emotions like happiness and all that is suppressed too. so what you get is an emotionless world of conformity. of course, there are people who rebel. in the end, rebellion wins. there is a massacre where the rebels kill the people who resist the change. oh what the hell. what am i saying? emotions aren't bad. i mean, they're cool and all. but i think the movie got irony at the end. don't think i sound very clear here. i guess thats whats wrong you see. cant quite put it into words. hmm. but... i have learned another important thing from the movie. actually, it was more of a confirmation. heroes reload their guns only when it looks cool. otherwise, their guns seem to have an infinite supply of bullets. i even counted the number of shots per clip. don't get started on those tamil movies with lotsa gun fights. unlimited bullets i tell you.

OR, maybe it could be that they only SHOW the reloading when it will look cool. this point is negated however, if they focus only on the hero for the whole firefight.

there you go. two viewpoints for a seemingly useless issue.

anyway. its cool when someone confides in you. because then you get that really nice feeling of knowing that you are not alone. (:

5/30/2007 9:20:22 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: i random clicked
5/30/2007 9:20:24 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: then got to the page
5/30/2007 9:20:29 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: but 4got wherei clicked
5/30/2007 9:20:30 PM azrin. last train.: howhow?
5/30/2007 9:20:32 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: think its the eye
5/30/2007 9:20:34 PM azrin. last train.: NO!
5/30/2007 9:22:41 PM azrin. last train.: its not the eye
5/30/2007 9:22:50 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: i got to it yesterday
5/30/2007 9:22:56 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: u cover the top half
5/30/2007 9:23:01 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: i take the bottom
5/30/2007 9:25:46 PM azrin. last train.: k set
5/30/2007 9:25:53 PM azrin. last train.: [insert crazy looking smiley here]
5/30/2007 9:28:40 PM 1412 | Dora \Ongnardo\: WAD THE MAN
5/30/2007 9:28:52 PM azrin. last train.: to war
5/30/2007 9:29:03 PM azrin. last train.: it will not survive the intense clicking

what the hell. check the source code you noob. gahhh. haxxorise it. become the 31337 you were destined to become. lol. nub.

i tell you. nothing is cuter that watching a sunflower starfish hunt many many tiny brittle starfish for food by crawling over the seabed. i love documentaries. especially those good bbc ones and the funny ones on natgeo and discovery.

kinase

i battle pressure, a bad sore throat, confusion, a bad headache, fever, the constant sneezing, someone's new blog template, the temptations, and that god awful feeling that keeps telling me that i should have done something about it rather than let it slip into oblivion

ohwell.

5/29/2007 10:43:47 PM iN || line 2.: but.. haiya. alright.
5/29/2007 10:43:49 PM iN || line 2.: the date is set.
5/29/2007 10:43:54 PM iN || line 2.: and we've found a good location.
5/29/2007 10:43:55 PM iN || line 2.: so.
5/29/2007 10:44:00 PM iN || line 2.: FOR THE EMPEROR.
5/29/2007 10:44:51 PM azrin. last train.: discovery of the century
5/29/2007 10:44:57 PM iN || line 2.: yea
5/29/2007 10:44:59 PM azrin. last train.: best one since e discovery of x square
5/29/2007 10:45:06 PM iN || line 2.: dont have to take stupid 851 anymore.
5/29/2007 10:45:08 PM iN || line 2.: the DEATH BUS
5/29/2007 10:45:22 PM azrin. last train.: death bus?
5/29/2007 10:45:27 PM azrin. last train.: you mean bus of really old ppl
5/29/2007 10:45:40 PM azrin. last train.: packed with them
5/29/2007 10:45:42 PM iN || line 2.: yeah
5/29/2007 10:45:43 PM iN || line 2.: haha
5/29/2007 10:47:42 PM azrin. last train.: 410
5/29/2007 10:47:48 PM azrin. last train.: and its just 2 stops away
5/29/2007 10:47:50 PM azrin. last train.: wth
5/29/2007 10:47:52 PM azrin. last train.: hahahaha
5/29/2007 10:47:54 PM iN || line 2.: wow!
5/29/2007 10:47:56 PM iN || line 2.: but must pick time.
5/29/2007 10:48:01 PM azrin. last train.: emperor's blessings
5/29/2007 10:48:05 PM iN || line 2.: the girl said that at peak hours it can be full house.
5/29/2007 10:48:12 PM iN || line 2.: but we picked a good time.
5/29/2007 10:48:14 PM iN || line 2.: 3-4
5/29/2007 10:48:26 PM iN || line 2.: i dont have much money.
5/29/2007 10:48:33 PM iN || line 2.: .so 3 hrs should be my max.
5/29/2007 10:48:35 PM iN || line 2.: ok la i gtg.
5/29/2007 10:48:38 PM iN || line 2.: sms if anything.
5/29/2007 10:48:49 PM iN || line 2.: and pls dont put ur fone anywhere where it can start calling me.
5/29/2007 10:48:55 PM iN || line 2.: hahaokbye.
5/29/2007 10:49:21 PM azrin. last train.: lol
5/29/2007 10:49:26 PM azrin. last train.: my phone is on my table
5/29/2007 10:49:27 PM azrin. last train.: hehe
5/29/2007 10:49:31 PM iN || line 2.: table
5/29/2007 10:49:32 PM iN || line 2.: tabel
5/29/2007 10:49:36 PM iN || line 2.: the chick is on the table
5/29/2007 10:49:39 PM iN || line 2.: table table
5/29/2007 10:49:40 PM azrin. last train.: the book is on the table
5/29/2007 10:49:43 PM iN || line 2.: the MAN is on the table.
5/29/2007 10:50:04 PM iN || line 2.: table taytaytaytay table table
5/29/2007 10:50:06 PM azrin. last train.: the woMAN is on the table
5/29/2007 10:50:09 PM azrin. last train.: kk
5/29/2007 10:50:11 PM azrin. last train.: i gtg too
5/29/2007 10:50:15 PM iN || line 2.: the azrin's on the table.
5/29/2007 10:50:15 PM azrin. last train.: cyaz tomorrow brother

something about this convo just sounds so damn wrong. but i cant quite put my finger on it. hmm.
the DEATH BUS.
dun dun dun dunnnnnn

taste

few things taste good when you are not feeling well both within and outside. damn. must be more time efficient. too much time was spent today trying to tackle the headache from yesterday. but one thing is for sure.

i am t3h skill.

i am now officially THE most traumatized person in rjc. ask anyone who either performed in or watched sangamam 07 and knows me personally. but hey. the consequences of having a fun experience. no the thing that caused the trauma and the fun experience are not the same thing.

photos.

i only really need four photos. (:
yesterday was fun. albeit saddening. the prospect of what is to come. maybe its time to sacrifice what i have been enjoying for the past few months. after june. i guess its no more. hmm.

normality

normality has been restored. if you missed it, its your loss.

very very repetitive

this is rubbish.

deluded

i felt deluded. i dont really know why. i needed a way to express my delusion at certain things. drawing on references on certain things that has bothered me, i decided to vandalize my template. temporary only. until that sense on complete delusion fades away. chances are, if i keep wearing the furry suit it may not. hmmm.

improbable

engaging improbability drive.
hang on.
this is going to get weird.

happy to hang around

They were following me
They were following everyone
They had visions of me
Holding hands walking into the sun
Now people get down, people get down
People get hurt
And when you did it to me
I was already in the ground

And I'll never get into your heart
No I don't even want to start
I'll never get into your heart
I'm just happy to hang around
Happy to hang around
Happy to hang around

Take a picture of me
And show it to everyone
And no more pictures of you
No more love no more setting sun
Now people get down, people get down
People get hurt
And when you did it to me
I was already in the dirt

And I'll never get into your heart
No I don't even want to start
I'll never get into your heart
I'm just happy to hang around
Happy to hang around
Happy to hang around

And I'll never get into your heart
No I don't even want to start
I'll never get into your heart
I'm just happy to hang around
Happy to hang around
Happy to hang around

maybe this song would have looked better on the card rather than cheesy flowers in the window. you know with a guy standing in a rainy place looking really wishful. nothing against flowers in the window, but i think i is damn stupid. should have been a whole lot cleverer. should have realised it earlier. who will care about what i wish would have happen. that would be rather unimportant. heck. with this, the other one would be totally unnecessary. crud. okae lah. i don't know. maybe not so bleak. maybe its much worse.

i dont think i'm strong enough. really. someone ought to give me a slight push. but any way, whats the point in sharing your dreams with some one who doesn't give a damn? i don't know really. one of those unsolvable mysteries in life. at least i can be proud to say i remain steadfast. hee.

handover

past two days, only two note worthy things happened. one was the journey to city hall gramaphone to get a copy of The Boy With No Name 45 minutes before h3 chem with fellow pope Sherlock. album art is very beautiful, just like the album (which the dumb people at life! rated only 3.5 stars).

the other was handover. lets just say, our brilliant and amazing exco finally stepped down for (the less competent although i'm being very biased here because the old exco are utterly great) j1s. hope they can prove me wrong although they can never ever beat the 06-07 exco. anyway, the sleep over rapidly turned into a retirement resort. after returning from a late night movie of spiderman 3 (having watched it a 2nd time), we remained on a bunch of those canvas chairs for 5 hours only getting up for toilet breaks. we didnt even use our room. sleeping under the moonlight and stars while listening to The Boy With No Name. perfect i say. especially when the song Under The Moonlight began to play. i started imagining things until i fell asleep only to be woken up first by a cat under my makeshift bed and then by a giant squealing rat. i now have all fifteen tracks for The Boy With No Name. cheers to Sherlock!

grin

i want to wear a mask. i wish it was allowed in school. that way, people wont be able to see how i'm feeling.

phone

phone calls from people of a long forgotten era. i think my life is getting stranger and stranger. to tell you the truth. i hate all of this.

oooh

sometimes i wonder if i over did it. maybe i should have exercised restrain. maybe the others involved should have restrained themselves. maybe i should not have over reacted. maybe i should quit worrying.

and then, a voice inside my head says, who cares?

waiting

i'm waiting...

























waiting...




























waiting...






















waiting...

































still waiting...




































waiting...


















wait a minute. what am i waiting for?...

again

again and again and again and again,
do it again, do it again.

if i had a dollar for how many times you've said something along that particular thing, i'd be very rich by now. please. understand that i can get on my nerves. just trust me. unfortunately, thats not going to happen is it? judging by what you said today.

black

you know how it feels like when something important has just happened and no one bothered to tell you? and you already know it. but its something so important that you should be one of the first few to know. and yet. here i am, still supposedly clueless. thanks alot. i am not as dumb as i look. quite the contrary, i am very perceptive.

i have decided to brainstorm on ideas for this new competition by black library. if i actually manage to get through, i may get published in a very nerdy and geeky sci fi book. and not to mention, get paid. but its not for the money. it never was. i would like to say its for the pure joy of creating something. technically it is, but i am taking part in it for the recognition. even if it is amongst a geeky warhammer community. its still something. in fact, for me, its alot. because, i am part of the community as well. i have read the creations of others. but i have always wanted others to take a step into my mind and see whats there. in terms of warhammer that is. maybe this might be a ticket. an opportunity. it may be wasted away by my own folly. or by my lack of ideas. (hopefully not because i got a rather good one now) but thats not going to stop me from trying. i mean. i got free time you see. even though its scattered everywhere. a little bit of sacrifice, and everything falls to place.

by the way. i am almost there. it seems my work is paying off. hehex.

frisbee

you see strange and bizarre things everyday. so try not to be so surprised when you do because its really normal.

cold

i sympathize with drug addicts who are made to go cold turkey to quit their addiction. i have felt a small extent of their pain twice. one was willingly done, the other was not wanted.

yesterday i tried to repeat the magic. it seems that good things coem only once or twice.

the prestige.

i watched a movie yesterday, today, allright, which ever you want to see it as. i asked myself at the end, how far would i go to achieve, my goals, my dreams, my obsessions?

scary.

lift.

i am amazed. yet again. just after the closer incident, i thought i'd seen it all. guess not. so there i was, checking the letterbox for new mail before sitting down in the bench in front of the lift lobby waiting for the rest of my family to come down so we can go and eat dinner. i saw this bunch of tattooed guys. one wasnt wearing a shirt and showing off his muscles (he had that kind of lean build) and there was another guy. the other four people were like checking them for weapons or something. maybe it was some confrontation or something. i was clueless. so after checking the two guys started stretching and talking to the other four. then they opened one of the lift. both guys went in. the other four stood around the door as a sort of barricade to prevent people from going in. the two dudes closed the lift door. just before it closed, both of them took on fighting poses. shit. i damn scared. whatever was going to happen wasnt good.

as soon as the lift door closed, i heard blows and shouting. they were fighting inside there. it was damn loud. and damn scary. i was hoping they'd just not notice me. but they were watching me. i just like tried to act normal. you know, if i ran away they might get suspicious see? besides, i wanted to see the outcome. hopefully, my family would delay. you know, might get nasty.

five minutes later the noise receded. the four guys opened the lift door. one of the guys was slumped against the wall moaning. the shirtless dude was standing, barely. both were bloodied up, badly. the lift was covered with streaks of blood. the floor, the walls. the four guys helped up the downed dude and the apparent winner and started going away. just before leaving, one of them shot me a glare and shouted,

"eh boy. don't tell anyone."

what the hell. family came down a minute later.

statement.

i hope somebody can explain to me whether the following statement is true or untrue. i've spent some time over it myself.

"how can you be expected to value other people's lives if you don't even value your own."

hmm. i suspect the statement is fallacious. (see i have been paying attention during gp. hehe.)

eight things.

recently, i learned certain things. more like i was reminded of these things. like a refresher. a much needed one. at least for some of the things.

1) people will most likely think you are a slacker if you choose to take a relax first. even if you do work later on, they just wont understand that maybe you needed a break first to freshen up before getting started proper.

2) when you haven't had or experienced something for a very very long time and suddenly you are confronted by it, you will feel immediate disgust since your mind is just not used to the fact of experiencing or possessing that particular thing.

3) the best way to silence an argument with a person is to take something lying nearby and thrust it in front of the person's face and shout "you want this in your face is it?" in either a loud or a nasal voice. works everytime, everyplace.

4) piracy is very rampant and we must all do our part to hinder it.

5) sometimes, you don't always do what you say or plan to do

6) i want to fly out into space.

7) life is full of impossible, utterly improbable and wonderful surprises. you'll probably get one when you least expect it.

8) when you do not see things that mean a lot to you, you will feel very empty and depressed.

passing by.

yesterday i happy. i don't know why things like these keep happening. i know some people would ask me why i did not take it any further. but you know, thats where the fun is. to keep it a mystery, an improbability. maybe it may happen again in the future. maybe not. but either way, its more special the way it is. i got no regrets. just another fond memory to add to my collection. anway, here's what happened. (:

there i was. sitting on the train. i had decided to go home earlier and not wait for kaswin. i was still damn thirsty even after drinking an Only from bta. but i felt damn full. so each time i drank from my water bottle, i felt even worse. allright. the train was rather empty. well. it happends. it was sufficiently empty for me to get a seat even if i didnt take the train to marina bay. but i took it anyway. train was damn empty. only got random people. i thought my carriage only had nme in it. so i took out my ipod and played closer. being the damn nice song it was, and considering i thought was alone, i couldn't help but start singing. i only kept one ear so that i could hear if i was going horribly off tune. lucky i not so bad not like vivek and his pro wailing. hehe.

I've had enough
Of this parade
I'm thinking of
The words to say
We open up
Unfinished parts
Broken up
It's so mellow

And when I see you then i know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now

then. i heard it. a soft female voice. singing. shit. i damn shocked. seriously. didnt realise i was that loud. i like looked around and i noticed this girl sitting across me a couple of seats away. sufficiently far enough for the blur state (i was damn sleepy lorh) i was in to realise that no one else was in that carriage. for awhile, i was too shocked to continue. funny. she looked like an elf. in a good way. long neck, long black hair with brown highlight, those elf like eyes, no pointy elven ears though. she seemed tall though. could really estimate her age. guess she was working. cant remember clearly what she wore though.
bloody hell. i continued. to sing.
dont know why. but i just did, risking public humiliation.
she looked at me. and smiled.

Keep waking up (waking up)
Without you here (without you here)
Another day (another day)
Another year (another year)
I seek the truth (seek the truth)
We set apart (we set apart)
Thinking of
A second chance (a second chance)

And when I see you then i know it will be next to me
And when I need you I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Lean on me now

And when I see you then i know it will be next to me
And when I need you I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer

marina bay. she was getting off just before the song finished. just before getting off, she flashed me a smile and i returned it.

Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Closer, closer

now what were the odds of that.

20

i have a very good talent.
its called being able to irritate people very easily with little effort on my part.
mostly, its used for entertainment.
however, sometimes, some people deserve it.
so i let loose with no remorse.

twenty more days to the boy with no name. damn. its taking too long.

today, someone told me something noone has told me in a long time.
"eh you know you are talking damn loudly?"
times are changing no?

soundtrack.

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, iPaq etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool...

OPENING CREDITS: Beyond the Sea by Robbie Williams

WAKING UP: La La La by The Bird and the Bee

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: How to Be Dead by Snow Patrol

FALLING IN LOVE: Lazarus by Porcupine Tree

FIGHT SONG: Something Secret Steers Us from Half Life 2 OST

BREAKING UP: In My Place by Coldplay

PROM: Empty Spaces by Pink Floyd

LIFE: Somewhere Eelse by Travis

MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Last Train by Travis

DRIVING: Around the World by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

FLASHBACK: Water from Final Fantasy Advent Children OST

WEDDING: The Sea by Travis

BIRTH OF CHILD: My Eyes by Travis

FINAL BATTLE: Muscle Museum by Muse

DEATH SCENE: My Immortal by Evanescence

FUNERAL SONG: Pyramid Song by Radiohead

END CREDITS: Other Side of the World by KT Tunstall

not bad. i like most of them. got high percentage of travis. lol. at least not something like guns and roses or something. i guess i'm quite lucky there. some are quite good fitting in fact. The Sea, My Eyes, Pyramid Song, My Immortal. bloody hell. got muse. lol. although i dont think my life will have fight scene. because i very peace loving. hee.

i watched ten commandments yesterday. i was inspired. yet again. but i couldn't help but pity the egyptians. i think i'll watch prince of egypt soon. the effects cooler. then again, it is a cartoon.

i watched corpse bride. it was nice. for a while, i thought victoria might have never gotten to marry victor. but things sorted out in the end. but even then, i felt sorry for emily who still didnt get married in the end. at least, she moved on to a better place in the end i think. funny though. i see alot of myself in victor. people are so hostile. wonder why.

i think tim burton rocks. loved all of his movies so far. big fish was THE best. i was damn sad at the end of the movie. but it was very very nice. i'm a sensitive person you know? i get moved easily. all right. maybe not that easily. i think i'll do that "whats the soundtrack of your life" thing soon. saw it off someone's blog.

this weekend was productive. i shall allow myself some time off. at least i didnt end up missing much like those archery interviews which i last minute not allowed to attend.

here's to hoping that chelsea will lose.

~

i am that i am.

staple

you try to bribe me. you keep reminding me how much time is left. but i think i would know. and i would know the importance of all this. i am capable of working towards my own goals myself please. damn. wish i could say no alot more often. would make life alot easier if i could. thank you for listening. (:

whoa. i bet you just want happy time right?
no lah. i just want, time.
whoa. thats damn emo eh.

i laugh.

dreamer

today i went up to home room for a nice long nap. about 40 minutes or so. i know i slept well because i had a dream. it wasn't a good one. neither was it a nightmarish one. it was just, well, scary. it was like falling. only i wasnt. i was actually floating away. my vision was fogging and blurring. all i wanted to do was to say hi. it was horrible. i hated every moment of it. come to think of it, maybe it was a nightmare.

you know something? dreams are a reflection of your subconscious mind. its really useful to let you know what you are really thinking and not what you are making yourself think. only problem is, you don't remember all of them. and when you do, and you dream something that actually has relevance to your life, it actually hurts. when you try to believe something and suddenly you have this dream. you wake up teary eyed and sweating even with the aircon and you realise whatever you've been trying to believe is utterly doctored and your own brain decides to slap you until you realise that. smart tactic.

lucky the falsification was insta-killed. i still have hope. (:

voyeur

grr. somebody took a photo of me while i was being recluse on the bus to training. bloody guy. staring out of the window listening to flowers in the window. then suddenly some J1 guy tells me he took a photo of me stoning. this cannot do. i must be more attentive next time.

and it seems that two of the popes are reclusing away from each other. one of them is me. ;) hehex. hopefully it will get sorted out tomorrow. haha. quite funny though.

and i think, my gut feelings are damn good. today, decided to walk the long and highly crowded way to class from assembly, i was pleasantly rewarded. don't know why i chose that way. someting just told me i had too. later before going training while i was waiting for the bus, i was sitting with some archery people. decided to talk to jheeva guy. apparently, they all forgot about me and went up to board the bus without telling me. i remembered just at the right time and managed to catch the bus just before it left.

anyway, speaking of jheeva, a few days ago while the three popes and the friend of the reclii were walking down the stairs, jheeva said something really stupid. but the moment after he said it, he was attacked with an extremely fast move for his throat. lol. jheeva almost died. but the attacker held back and started verbally scolding him. lol.

ffs = j

of course, being a pope of the reclii automatically means that you have to be fs. now that we have decentralized and promoted all previous high ranking members to the rank of pope, we can indeed see that fs comes with the rank. here's one of the new popes in action, demonstrating his prowness at being fs.

j: eh. i left my bag in the canteen. follow me down. then we go late for econs.
me: set arh!
5 mins later, we go down to the canteen and start looking for his bag.
j: eh. where's my bag arh?
me: did you even bring it down?
j: i don't know eh. i don't remember bringing it down.
me: omg. what if its upstairs in class?
j: oh shit dei.
5 mins later we go back to class.
me: fs guy! you left it in class. make me follow you to canteen for nothing.
j: shit dei, i damn fs.

it would be alot funnier if you knew what fs stood for. i'll give you a clue. s is for stupid and f is for a rather vulgar word which i dont use. hee.

of course. the devil is also highly fs. having bombed my entire army to shit and costing us the entire game. but then again, the devil is evil. so if he's fs, all the better for the forces of the reclii to overcome the forces of society.

today, i saw somebody being highly recluse and doing work under some block. if not for my pressing agenda, i would have confronted the person. pity. no time.
haiz. so nice eh. i like, became so light hearted for a few moments the people around me must have wondered what i was doing. of course. that is only for me to know.

zippy

everytime i login to msn i zip through the contact list to see who is online. past three days, i've been feeling sad everytime i do that.

^

no matter what i do, i fear that i will always be misunderstood for as long as i live.

no cigar

travis is damn <3
together with my current favourite female singer KT Tunstall (who is incidentally also damn chio <3 <3),
have come up with an amazing song called Under the Moonlight, which is damn damn damn nice and pretty. i cant help but keep listening to it.

in response to the question indra (a former anti travis inquisitor) asked me quite awhile ago before he mysteriously became travis lover as well, "how can anybody like travis? muse and keane are damn nice and damn fast paced."

heres my response. life doesn't always go rocketing through everything. sometimes you have to slow down. step back and take a look at everything.

okae whatever. because they are just damn good.

this is an example of damn good.

No Cigar

I've got a lot of answers
For someone with no questions
I've got a lot of questions
But questions give you cancer

Oh, we've come so far
So close, but
No cigar

Our love is like a flower
It needs an april shower
I've been dying in the gutter
But not for very much longer

Oh, we've come so far So close, but
No cigar

The distance from
Here to there
Is greater than
Here from now ?

Dobber

Oh, we've come so far
Oh, we've come so far
So close, but
No cigar

oh. how i laughed when i heard this. <3 style="font-style: italic;">

slink

all right. i updated some of the links on my blog. so that way, i can access those sites via my blog and not have to navigate through a maze of other people's blogs to finally get there. okae. that was exaggeration. but yea. now my life is slightly easier.

yeap. today i saw something on the front page of the newspaper that annoyed me. see lah. this sort of thiings. give bad name to everybody else. haiz. wish it wasn't so screwed up. too bad lorh. its just meant to be.

anyway, i drew up plans to create two mega konversions for my table top army. one's going to be an inquisitor and the other is going to be grey knight grand master azrael! lol. i just need someone with a paypal account to help me buy some bitz from ebay so i can do my konversions. speaking of ebay, i do need to pay ken tomorrow for helping me buy the shirt. wonder when its coming.

random

here's what you get when you put me, a pen, some paper, a wandering mind, and some free time together. click to enlarge.

explosion

and suddenly, the whole world explodes into sound.

graphs

this is graph. its related to me. i'll give you a clue as to what it reflects. save it to your hard disc.

slivers

give me a reason to care and i swear i will, for as long as i live. unfortunately for me, i already found a reason.

the few.

you guy. thank me now. thank me right now. had i been a whole lot more selfish and chose not to go home alone, i would have been a lot more intrusive. nevermind. going home alone is good. i got to angst a bit and reflect some more. whatever. don't care about much these days anyway. i've turned alot more heartless. talk to me and i'll probably give a rather cold reply. unless of course you are on the "not to act cold towards" list.

anyway. recently, i've drawn a girl on my book. its abit similar to the one on my template although i gave her a new and more relevant head. ben low has helped alot in the process, including the daring rescue mission of the book during a break in between lectures. she's happy. why is she happy? i don't know. if i knew, i'd probably know what to draw as a background because right now, the picture comprises of just the girl. ben low suggested she's happy because she's meeting her boyfriend. but she definitely doesn't have a boyfriend. of that, i am very sure. how? don't tell you. but if the girl did have a boyfriend, i'd be amused. anyway, i cracked my head during bio lecture. why is she happy? what would make her happy? is she shopping? no, she's not the kind. i drew a tree. is she walking through a park? no. too normal. is she in some desolate wasteland? getting warmer. but doesn't explain why she's happy. i draw a moon. does she like the moonlight and the stars? perhaps. but why is she happy to see the moon and the stars? it may mean she was so close to loosing all that was precious to her. i drew a portal. whats on the other side? what was so bad about the place that when she left it, she was so happy? i drew a world of chaos. i drew a world where the rules of our reality do not apply. getting warmer. did she meet anyone in that world? i drew in a figure hidden in the fog, whose silhouette was still visible on the other side of the portal. maybe she had a revelation, or maybe she narrowly escaped with her life. but i think she's happy now because she can bask in the moonlight again.

excuses?

i have the trouble of making a distiction between an excuse and a reason. believe me, i've gotten into alot of trouble before regarding this. but what makes me so damningly annoyed is when a person so easily classifies a reason as an excuse. my interpretation of an excuse is something that you could have done something about and yet chose to do nothing in hopes of say, escaping work. but what if something beyond your control happens? something rather unexpected. wouldn't it be fair to get a fair hearing first before making your classification. of course, at that particular point in time, my weary mind must also be taken into account. tired, with homework to do, sleepy and stuck in the middle of nowhere late at night, your mind doesn't function as effectively anymore. the few rare times when it really really wasn't my fault, i get shafted. i wish i could be understood. i am not angry at the person but angry that i was not heard at all.

>

what have i done? bloody hell. what have i done?

keys

words cannot describe how great it feels to finally have a new and fully functional keyboard with a rather nice ergonomic design to top it off. got a new mouse but i think i'll continue with my trusty old mouse which has helped me vanquish countless foes in various games. but the sheer joy. oh. i havent felt such unadulterated happiness in such a long time even though its for something so utterly insignificant like being able to type me c's, v's, x's, z's and to be able to press enter or escape or to control-c control-v. so wonderful! so amazing! its like learning to walk all over again! wowee! hurrah!

ok wait. let me catch my breath. it seems that i have posted three times today. all that zeal. i must use it to post my newest theory soon. if it holds up, i might go for a fourth! whee.

okay. i know by now, you think i'm being really silly. but i've said it before. its the little things that make all the difference.

Afterglow

Feeling myself all of the time
All of the time feeling alright
Taking a while, raising a smile
Raising a smile makes it all worthwhile

But if you wanted to find peace of mind
Then you could find it anytime you liked
You are the afterglow

Feeling my way all of the time
All of the time doing just fine Taking a page out of my life
Out of my life, wouldn't it be nice

But if you wanted to find peace of mind
Then you could find it anytime you liked
You are the afterglow
You are the midnight show
The only one I know
You come and then you go
And when you finally leave
You leave nothing for me

bad

the other day, i head a little girl whisper to her mum in the lift i was in.

"mummy, why you say cannot talk to indian man?"
"quiet! you want him to hear you is it?"

unfortunately for her, i did hear it. but what made me really sad was the fact that the mother was in fact very young. you would have thought that such people would be a lot more mature and thinking individuals carefully weighing the situation before they teach their kids things like that. hey, i got no say in how you want to raise your kids. but is it really necessary to pass on your own innate dispositions of other people and create a younger generation that is equally insensitive? this is by no means an exceptional case because i have seen/heard/experienced things like this before. but the overall effect of hearing such things is one of sadness and deep thought. pity i had to hear this before my sense of hearing got blocked up. at least i wouldn't be this erm, troubled. i suppose that is the trouble with a multi racial country.

only human

people tend to forget. maybe it slips out of their minds when they begin to speak. thats a bad thing. more than anything else, words hurt the most. beyond that are those implications that one tries to make. all so , long winded, so hypocritical. ordinarily, if a person would ask me to chose what super power i would like to have, i would have said something along the lines of having psyonic abilities. but just for today, i would have wished for the ability to be able to jump really really far, from the fourth floor of one building to the third floor of another. people tend to forget. they think they have a right to say because they care so much. but honestly, all i need is to be left alone. i can be trusted to pursue my own dreams. i suppose that ear infection i'm having now, is turning out to be a boon in disguise. you see, it filters out all the background noise. everything is so eerily quiet these days. i like it. i really do. so that way when people start talking, i can phase out really easily because all i need to do is to stop trying to listen. i like the quiet. it filters out everything. its like living in a bubble. sometimes thats good, sometimes thats bad. but right now, its rather useful. people tend to forget. that i'm only human.

bunker busting

unfortunately not.

everything depends on morale you see. just yesterday, while i was busy thinking of an effective strategy for indra to use today when we go to war after school during my h3 chem test prep, involved shattering the morale of the enemy troops while i hack them into oblivion. its actually a very good strategy infact. so good, i can even translate it into the general mish mash. knowing you got someone covering your back while you trudge through the glue soaked dough can really drive you to do the clinically insane, such as what a plan to do. morale's never been higher especially after realising i got a fair amount of support and not everyone is out to ruin me. you could do without the morale and use your own belief to fire you up, but believe me, its much harder that way.

Walking In The Sun

I was walking along in the sun
Taking pictures of everyone
And there's something on the tip of my tongue
Oh

Well it's easy to see from afar
And it's easy to be on your guard
But it's harder just to be who you are
Oh

When all these
People who will lead you down the back of the track
They're on your back
They will try and tear you apart
But believe and you will see that there's no reason to doubt
Then you will find
You can do much better than that
If you think of all the things that you feel
All the voices in your head that you hear
It's a mystery that we are all still holding on

When all these
People who will lead you down the back of the track
They're on your back
They will try and tear you apart
But believe and you will see that there's no reason to doubt
And you will find
You can do much better than that

If you see me hit the ground
Don't come near don't make a sound

I was walking along in the sun
Taking pictures of everyone
And there's something on the tip of my tongue

indeed, there is really something on the tip of my tongue that is just dying to be articulated. if only

mish mash

important lesson in the general mish mash that we call life. well. its not really a lesson. its more of irony. just when you got criticized for something, before you know it, the mish mash somehow finds a way to make the critics suffer the same, if not a very similar fate. its eerily very satisfying but you find yourself cursing if the above mentioned tackle the general mish mash and come out of it better while you still languish in the eternal depths of nothing-ness. ergo, you are still stuck while others are moving on. depressing? tell me about it. at least that will offer a reasonable sound explanation as to why i blew it on sunday night. simply because i failed to handle it well. the general mish mash tends to appear so mashed up you often fail to see the simplest of all solutions to the most complex of problems. most of the time, they are staring right at you face. those brave souls who try to sort out the mish mash tend to mess up some other part of the mish mash leaving you more screwed up than you already are. face it, the general mish mash will always be messed up as long as you are not the only person in the world.

of course, the brave souls will not be put off by the seeming impossibility of bringing order into the chaos. i mean, you can slam the mish mash onto a hard plate and pound it with a really hard thing and flatten it out into a flat piece of mish mash. but odds are, you'll probably lose that very hard thing during the process or end up pounding your own fingers while trying to sort out the gooey and utterly sticky general mish mash we call life. you cant quite equate it to dough. but more like dough soaked in uhu glue or maybe something stronger and alot more irritating.

i think i can blame the extreme pain in my right ear for not wanting to follow the most obvious solution staring right at my face. or i can blame the general mish mash and try to do something else and continue to languish in the abyss. maybe i can spend a few sleepless nights trying to sort out the mish mash and risk worsening the pain in my ear and the growing throbbing in my head. because the simplest things always appear to be the hardest to do even though we call them the simplest things. i mean how hard is it to take your phone (which is in a rather embarassing state recently) and try to punch a few numbers and wait for the voice on the other side?

wait, it does seem to be a trick question. must think about that for a good while. but the really annoying thing about the general mish mash is that at times, it strategically positions itself at your feet so that you'll step on it and make a good mess out of your shoes while taunting you. the other day while going on the train, i saw a familiar face. it was say, the second time i was seeing that face. our eyes met for a few moments, we smiled and just as before, we parted ways again but this time without saying a word. second time. how bleeding ironic is that. now had i gone into train at the second door of the same carriage instead of the fourth, things may have turned out different. now why did that happen? an exceedingly intelligent thought at the back of my head which told me i might have a higher chance of sitting down if i moved towards the centre of the platform. in the end, i didnt get a seat. oh, you cruel mish mash. why do you torture me so? oh well, nothing i can do except continue to endure the constant torments. i mean you cant outsmart it. i mean, how do you outwit a piece of mish mash which in all aspects, is just a hunk of dough soaked in glue? it might happen again a third time.
"one, two, three times and you lose,"

yea, i'll probably lose my mind if it happens again the third time. if its destined, i cant stop it but at least for now i am ignorant. but the lonesome time on the train made me realise something as the mish mash was smothering me without my knowledge. you see people whom you sometimes, wish you knew. and once you did, your the mish mash wont be so gooey and sticky. it need not be some hot person of the other opposite sex but just about anyone. i think, the person who would do the most good to your bit of the mish mash are the people you are least likely to meet. i think i saw one such person on that same train. i just got that feeling you know, like when the mish mash forced tries to overwhelm you, for a split second, you see a way out, except that it was far behind you or somewhere just out of reach as a result of our constant moulding of the general mish mash. bummer. but then again, the mish mash has a waqy of clouding your vision. a gut feeling is a gut feeling after all. it might have been the breakfast you ate in the morning squirming through your innards.

so what do i do about the mish mash? what the hell. i think i'll prep myself for the next time i blow it. this time, i think it will be over the phone or in person and not over msn. dundundun dunnnn.